


Ogura Hyakunin Isshu - Kakashi/Gai

by forgetme



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drabble Collection, Ficlet Collection, Inspired by Poetry, M/M, Ogura Hyakunin Isshu, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-11 16:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5634160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetme/pseuds/forgetme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi/Gai drabbles and ficlets inspired by Ogura Hyakunin Isshu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poem 1-10

**Author's Note:**

> Translations of the poems can be found here: http://jti.lib.virginia.edu/japanese/hyakunin/hyakua.html

天智天皇

秋の田の  
かりほの庵の  
苫をあらみ  
わが衣手は  
露にぬれつつ

Through a crack in the shabby wooden wall of the shed Kakashi watches the farmers in the field. The quick, effective movements of their hands paired with their slow pace, their bent forms. His side aches where the katana grazed him just over the hip, below the edge of his armor. _Life must be easy for them,_ he thinks, _out there, all they care about is the harvest, the ever-repeating cycle of the seasons._  He allows himself a moment of envy as he wipes the blood off his blade with one sleeve and retreats into the shadows to wait for nightfall.

* * *

持統天皇

春過ぎて  
夏来にけらし  
白妙の  
衣ほすてふ  
天の香具山

The mountain rings with Gai’s laughter. Never has he seen his young student in such an undignified position before. He can’t hold back, even though he knows the boy is insulted, but Neji is the one who slipped on the stones and, flailing like a wounded goose, fell headfirst into the stream.  
Later, when Neji’s jacket, draped over a tree branch, is flapping gently in the breeze and Team Gai is sitting in the sun, Gai tips his head up to gaze at the clouds. Where might his rival be now? The warmth in his chest tells him that he made the right choice when he accepted his three students. Kakashi, however, dismissed another bunch of fresh graduates like he has done every year.  He found them wanting and so, unlike Gai who is surrounded by young voices and the smell of summer flowers, for  all Gai knows, Kakashi will spend another year with only his ghosts for company.

* * *

柿本人麿

あしびきの  
山鳥の尾の  
しだり尾の  
ながながし夜を  
ひとりかもねむ

On nights like this the darkness never seems to lift. It drags seconds into minutes, into hours. He closes his eye and sees Rin’s face again, pale from blood loss, her mouth half-open, slack. Death took her beauty and made her ugly, turned her into a thing.  Somewhere under dirt and rocks lie Obito’s bones. Kakashi can feel them under his own skin. Sometimes when this happens, he gets up and, moving like a sleepwalker, walks through the village. No one will ever know where he goes on nights like this, even though his treacherous feet have trampled a trail into the grass behind Gai’s house.

* * *

山辺赤人

田子の浦に  
打ち出でてみれば  
白妙の  
富士の高嶺に  
雪はふりつつ

Gai dislikes the whiteness of Kakashi’s skin. Cold like snow, fragile like porcelain. It’s because he doesn’t go into the sun, spends his days locked inside his apartment, reading, sleeping, avoiding. His skill and reputation allow him this detachment, to dwell in lofty heights where no one can reach him. To Gai Kakashi is the white mountain peak on the horizon.  He will not give up until he has conquered him, no matter how long and painful the climb may be.

* * *

猿丸大夫

奥山に  
紅葉ふみわけ  
鳴く鹿の  
声きく時ぞ  
秋は悲しき

The war ends in autumn and they go home, walking through dead leaves, carrying their fallen. It is as if the earth has shed all life, that’s what it feels like to Kakashi. His students have scattered. Sasuke and Naruto need medical care, Sakura hangs back to provide it, not just to them but the countless injured. Tenzō is taken into protective custody, tests have to be run. Sai offers to fly him back to Konoha, but Kakashi declines. He wants to walk. He wants to take every single step back home. A voice in his head whispers that if only he walks slowly enough, maybe Gai will catch up to him.

* * *

  
中納言家持

かささぎの  
渡せる橋に  
置く霜の  
白きを見れば  
夜ぞふけにける

He tells them that he was aware of everything that happened because that is what he wants to believe. Maito Gai can’t think of himself as inert and helpless and dependent, he just can’t. The truth is that the whole journey back he was engulfed in darkness, completely lost. The truth is that he stopped. Until they carried him across that bridge, until he saw the open gate and Kakashi standing there. This is the moment he remembers, a split second in an ocean of nothing, seeing Kakashi on Konoha’s threshold and thinking, _I’m glad you made it home, rival._

* * *

安倍仲麿

天の原  
ふりさけ見れば  
春日なる  
三笠の山に  
出でし月かも

Tired after a long day of training with Sasuke, Kakashi finds himself looking up at the stars. This place, this cliff up in the mountains, feels like it isn’t part of the world. He used to come here with his father, the stars he sees now, are they still the same?  His father explained the constellations to him, taught him how to hunt, how to survive in the wilderness. Sasuke already knows those things. The lessons he needs to learn are not ones Kakashi can teach. How to grow. How to forgive. How to love.

* * *

喜撰法師

わが庵は  
都のたつみ  
しかぞすむ  
世をうぢ山と  
人はいふなり

_How long are you going to be depressed about Kakashi?_ asks Genma and Gai snorts because he, Maito Gai, is not depressed! As if! Depressed! He doesn’t even know that word!  
_The meaning of depressed in this context is to feel sad. Therefore what Genma-kun is asking you is how long are going to feel sad about Kakashi._ Gai decides that he hates Ebisu’s smug-looking, overly literal face and doesn’t reply. Instead he gives the training dummy another well-deserved kick.  
_He’s in Anbu, you’re not. Get over it. Kakashi is much better at being a dick than you’ll ever be._

* * *

小野小町

花の色は  
うつりにけりな  
いたづらに  
わが身世にふる  
ながめせしまに

He watches the rain wash the windows of his office. It’s better than doing paperwork; it looks pretty. Konoha is a blur of lights behind rivulets of water. Lately Kakashi often feels this strange longing somewhere behind his heart. His life has turned into a well-oiled machine, running smoothly, all the little wheels spinning. Everything is as it is meant to be. He writes letters to Kahyou; she replies. His students giggle when they see him with one of her messages written on delicate rice paper. Gai teases him about it. They don’t see each other that often anymore. Kakashi is busy and Gai has fully retired now. His leg has been worse after the incident on the flying ship. _It hurts,_ Kakashi thinks, staring into the rain, surprising himself. That strange spot in his chest feels empty.

* * *

蝉丸

これやこの  
行くも帰るも  
別れては  
知るも知らぬも  
逢坂の関

They run into each other at the gates. Kakashi in his Anbu uniform, a dark stain on his sleeve, brownish red, drying blood. _Kakashi!_ Gai leaps away from his team, towards Kakashi who stares at him from behind his mask, unmoving. He would have grabbed Kakashi’s uninjured arm and dragged him to the hospital, or carried him if he had to, but Ebisu and Genma pull him away before he can reach his rival. _You can’t do that,_ they whisper, _he’s Anbu. And we have to go. We have a mission._  
_He’s Kakashi!_ Gai wants to yell, but when he turns back to the street, to his rival, Kakashi is gone.


	2. Poems 11-20

参議篁

わたの原  
八十島かけて  
こぎ出ぬと  
人には告げよ  
あまのつり舟

 _Gai’s mood is too good,_ Kakashi thinks. He finds this incredibly irritating. Gai _whistles._ There’s a _spring_ in his step when he walks. _You’re going on a mission,_ he wants to say, _pull yourself together._ Except that, of course Gai knows how serious this is, but he is Gai, he’s happy, he’s excited. He gets to go on a boat ride and that makes him act like a little kid, although, knowing him, he’ll be seasick the whole way. What can Kakashi do? He goes with the flow. He slaps Gai on the back, he says, _I’m leaving this to you. Have a good trip!_ He doesn’t say _be careful. Come back safely._  
_I’ll miss you._

* * *

僧正遍昭

天つ風  
雲のかよひ路  
吹きとぢよ  
乙女のすがた  
しばしとどめむ

 _I don’t really have time for—_  
_One fight!_ Gai yells and when he sees Kakashi’s eyes narrow in annoyance hastily adds, _please! I’ve gotten stronger since last time; I’ll prove it to you!_  
Kakashi huffs and folds his arms across his chest and – _finally_ –finally says _fine,_ not like he means it – Gai doesn’t expect that – but like he just wants to get this over with as quickly as possible. And that _is_ fine, that’s all Gai needs.

They lie in the grass afterwards, panting, Gai _and_ Kakashi, whose face is flushed and shiny with sweat. Gai’s lungs are burning, his limbs ache faintly with the first hint of the soreness he’ll feel tomorrow, but all he can think as the breeze rustles the grass around them is, _I wish this moment would never end._

* * *

  
陽成院

筑波嶺の  
峰より落つる  
みなの川  
恋ぞつもりて  
淵となりぬる

After they have made it through the desert – how exactly Kakashi will never know - Gai finally pauses at the river winding its way through the Forest of Wind. For this Kakashi is awake, if only barely, his body limp and hot and sticking to Gai wherever exposed skin touches. He is engulfed in Gai’s smell – or rather stink – crossing the desert in skintight spandex did not have delightful olfactory results. Maybe it’s the stink that woke him, sharp like smelling salts. Or it’s simply Gai setting him down for a moment, tugging at Kakashi’s mask and bringing a cupped palm filled with water to his dry lips. The skin of Gai’s hand is warm, the water cool. Kakashi’s eye slides shut and when Gai lifts him up again he folds against his friend’s back and wraps his arms around Gai’s neck. They’re alone, even Lee has been left in the dust by his sensei. No one can match Gai’s speed and stamina.

 _Hold on, Kakashi, I’m taking you home!_  
_I know,_ he thinks and surrenders to oblivion again.

* * *

河原左大臣

みちのくの  
しのぶもぢずり  
誰故に  
乱れそめにし  
我ならなくに

Gai likes to tell himself that under the mask Kakashi’s face must have shown anguish; he must have been torn between following his orders and listening to his humanity. Having Itachi kill those defeated enemies… They were helpless, defenseless and it was _wrong._ Kakashi must have suffered. He must have. Whatever Danzou-sama thinks, whatever he might say, Kakashi is not that kind of person.  
_But what if he is?_  
_I’m sorry,_ Kakashi says at the memorial and Gai says it too, but the words don’t convey what he is feeling at all. A tangled web tightening around his pounding heart.

* * *

光孝天皇

君がため  
春の野に出でて  
若菜つむ  
わが衣手に  
雪はふりつつ  
_Today’s challenge is who can find the most medical herbs in this field,_ Kakashi says, his voice oozing boredom as he glances at Gai from over the edge of his dirty book. _Yosh,_ shouts Gai in reply. It’s no surprise he’s fired up, if he wasn’t, he probably wouldn’t even have come out to meet Kakashi here, half a mile from Konoha out in the meadows between the village and the Forest of Wind. _This is all going according to plan,_ Kakashi thinks, his smug expression covered by mask and book as Gai throws himself into the task.  
In the end, Kakashi has a handful of herbs he collected between naps, while Gai has a whole heap. Which is perfectly fine with Kakashi, who, shrugging nonchalantly, admits defeat and after an equally nonchalant _You don’t need these, right?_ proceeds to carry the spoils off to the village gate where his genin squad awaits with their own meager harvest .  Another D-rank down.

That night in bed he remembers laying in the field, watching Gai through his heavy-lidded eye, blades of grass streaking his field of vision. Gai’s eager smile, fragile stems crushed in his fist, held out to Kakashi as an offering. Happiness, simple and pure.

* * *

中納言行平

立ち別れ  
いなばの山の  
峰に生ふる  
まつとしきかば  
今かへりこむ

The birds rise up in one loud sky-blackening cloud. For a moment there are only their screams ringing in Gai’s ears, the violent flapping of their wings raining black feathers on his head. _Kakashi!_ The name pierces his consciousness like an arrow, a sense of doom spreading from the center of his chest like a bloodstain. After that moment all is silent. Not a breeze stirring the pine trees. Gai starts running, his team on his heels. His body is light as a feather, his heart unanchored and unraveling. He won’t stop until they’re home, until he sees his rival.

* * *

在原業平朝臣

千早ぶる  
神代もきかず  
龍田川  
からくれないに  
水くくるとは

He reaches the river at dawn. Alone. His heavy legs give there, at the water’s edge, the autumn wind cutting his face as he falls forward. _A drink,_ Kakashi thinks, and then he’ll go. The last couple of miles back to Konoha. It’s not that far now.  
But the water is icy, burning his skin and Kakashi’s face is in the dirt and he knows he won’t have the strength to stand again. He can’t even bring his wet fingertips to his mouth. All that’s left to him are the red leaves drifting down the river. Peaceful, silent, unlike his rasping breath, unlike the flare of pain in his chest spreading to his limbs. More red unfurls from his fingertips, a semi translucent ribbon.  
_It’s okay,_ Kakashi thinks, his gaze on the beautiful burning river, _I can stay here._  
_He’ll come find me._

* * *

 

藤原敏行朝臣

住の江の  
岸による波  
よるさへや  
夢の通ひ路  
人目よくらむ

Like the sound of waves lapping at a distant shore is Kakashi’s soft breathing. To Gai it is the only sound in the bar. Over the chatter, the clink of glass, he can hear it. Sleeping, Kakashi might seem approachable, his aloofness gone, his cold stare hidden under closed eyelids. But Gai knows that even in sleep, even here, collapsed over the bar where his Anbu squad mates left him – for revenge probably – Gai can feel it chill his bones like he felt the blade nicking his throat. It hurts.

He knows he won’t dream tonight, not of Kakashi who won’t speak to him or look his way, who won’t even wonder who brought him home because he’ll know and still not care.

* * *

伊勢

難波潟  
みじかき芦の  
ふしのまも  
あはでこの世を  
過ぐしてよとや

In the space of a second, the brush of fingertips against the inside of his wrist as he slips from Gai’s grasp, Kakashi knows. There is no hope for them. There can be no them. Tiny hairs rising on the backs of his arms and his neck, the quickness of his pulse drumming under skin still warm from Gai’s fleeting touch tells him this. Allowing Gai to call himself Kakashi’s friend would be too much. A quick death is better than slow prolonged suffering. “Stay out of my way,” he says, no emotion in his voice. Kakashi belongs to Anbu.

* * *

元良親王

わびぬれば  
今はた同じ  
難波なる  
身をつくしても  
逢はむとぞ思ふ

In war, death is around every corner. It lurks behind Gai, just a hair’s breadth from his neck. If you stop moving, you can feel it hovering over you, the cold mist that settles on the bodies littering the battlefield. Life has no place here. Love has been soaked up by the earth like the still warm blood of the fallen. But Gai, Gai is fearless. Close to the front, he smells the heavy sweetness of decay and runs through wisps of his own condensed breath. Faster, because Kakashi is out there and nothing will keep Gai away from him.


	3. Poems 21-30

素性法師

今来むと  
いひしばかりに  
長月の  
有明の月を  
待ち出でつるかな

Kakashi leaves the office at noon like planned. This is a rare occurrence, the Hokage having lunch and the rest of the day off. One Saturday a month, that’s what Kakashi aims for, usually, though, he gets maybe two in half a year. Nevertheless, Gai is supposed to be waiting for him outside. This is their agreement, a fixed date, and yeah, more often than not Kakashi is late, sometimes _hours_ late, but Gai is used to that and bears with him. That’s their thing. Wasn’t much different even long before Kakashi was made Hokage.

So Kakashi is surprised when he steps out into the sunshine and there is no sign of Gai, neither among the pedestrians, nor among the few shinobi loitering around the Hokage Residence. Kakashi walks a few steps to see if Gai is with any of the guards stationed on the perimeter, but no luck there either. Huh.

“Hokage-sama?” A concerned guard approaches him, “Do you need something?”

“No, I’m just waiting for someone,” Kakashi says absent-mindedly, looking past the young man – a teenager really- to scan the area again. No Gai. But as the guard moves away, a familiar flash of pink catches his eye. 

As soon as she sees him, Sakura starts walking briskly in his direction. The look on her face – a mix of stress and determination – spells trouble to Kakashi, makes him wonder if he shouldn’t find a way to disappear. It’s too late, though, she’s in front of him before he can make up his mind and it says something about Kakashi’s general level of interest in children that he doesn’t realize the kid in her arms isn’t actually Sarada-chan but a little boy in a bright green t-shirt until Sakura is practically standing on his toes. 

“Kakashi-sensei!” He really hates the relief he can hear in her voice. This is not good. He is not planning on doing anything for anyone but himself tonight. So she had better direct her hopeful gaze elsewhere. 

“Sakura,” he says by way of greeting although she really isn’t listening. She’s looking around with the panicky urgency of someone trapped in a burning building. The little kid in her arms turns his head and Kakashi almost groans at the sight of his face.  Metal! No, this is definitely not going to be good.

“Have you seen Gai-sensei? He was supposed to meet me here.” 

“Gai-ji-chan!” crows Metal and to Kakashi’s utter horror, Sakura brushes a hand through the little boy’s tousled black hair and says, “Yes, you’re going to Gai-ji-chan today.”

“Uh…” Kakashi falters. _Damn you, Gai!_

  
“I’m sorry, Kakashi-sensei, Lee is on a mission and I promised to watch Metal today, but now Sarada has a fever. I left her at home with Ino, but I really have to get back there and I don’t want Metal to get sick too. Gai-sensei should be here in a couple of minutes. Could you just hold Metal until Gai-sensei gets here? I really have to go.”  

“Actually—“ Any attempts at protest are thwarted by the toddler being thrust at him. As Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi knows he can’t be seen dropping a baby in the middle of the village, so he instinctively grabs hold of the child and feels the warmth seep through the thin fabric of the boy’s shirt. Like all children Kakashi has encountered so far, Metal seems to radiate a humid sort of heat that must be the perfect breeding ground for germs. 

As Sakura waves goodbye and runs off, Kakashi continues to stand stiffly, holding the kid at arm’s length the same way he would hold up one of Gai’s hideous spandex suits whenever Gai decided to give him another one as a present. 

Metal, however, is not an inanimate object. After a second of confusion he starts squirming, then his big dark eyes meet Kakashi’s and with something like grim horror, Kakashi watches the kid’s face slowly crumple as tears well up.

Next the toddler lets out an eardrum-piercing wail causing all eyes on the street to fix onto Kakashi. _Great._ This is just what he needs. People already compare him to the Nidaime Hokage,  Senju Tobirama. The similarities are obvious.  A lifelong bachelor, Tobirama was notoriously bad with children, something of an exception among the bearers of the Hokage title, a line of family men, fathers. All of them except for Tsunade, but in her role as medic she has saved enough lives, not to mention actually brought lives into the world, to be perceived as nurturing despite her occasional escapades. 

Kakashi, though… He glares at Metal, who proceeds to sob even louder. Like a particularly disgusting snail peeking out from its shell, a thick blob of snot slips out of his right nostril. Kakashi wishes his arms were longer.

“E-excuse me, Hokage-sama, I don’t think you’re supposed to hold a baby this way…” It’s the pimply guard again. His unsteady smile withers under Kakashi’s glare.

“Hm? Did you say something?”

“…No! I-I’m sorry, Hokage-sama!” The young man shrinks away. No backbone.

“Jiii!” Metal cries, his grubby little hands reaching towards Kakashi, who instantly gets the hint and turns around. 

“Where is my big boy?!” Gai yells as he gives the wheels of his wheelchair a powerful shove and comes hurtling towards them. 

Well, if everyone hadn’t been staring before, they sure would be now. Kakashi sighs. Silently cursing his fate, he tries very hard to not feel like chopped liver, but it's impossible.

* * *

 

文屋康秀

吹くからに  
秋の草木の  
しをるれば  
むべ山風を  
あらしといふらむ

For as long as Gai can remember, people have called his father the _Eternal Genin_ and nothing else. So it comes as a surprise, when suddenly they say Maito Dai, in hushed, respectful voices – like Gai has never heard his father’s name spoken before – as the characters are cut into the stone. 

Every strike of the hammer reverberates through Gai’s bones. Sandaime-sama’s hand is heavy on his shoulder. 

***

“Thank you for your support,” Gai shouts at the snickering man, a tokubetsu jounin twice his age, who isn’t even fast enough to look up before Gai’s foot slams into his chest, lifting him off the ground like a leaf picked up by the breeze.  

The kick is named Konoha senpuu, Gai decided that a long time ago, during a training session with his papa. He remembers his father’s hand tousling his hair, the rumble of his laughter, like he remembers the day his father’s ashes were scattered by the wind.

***

“Don’t ever do that again.” Kakashi’s voice is low and sharp and threatening, made unfamiliar by this strange way of speaking Gai has never heard from him before.  It’s hard to see him through the haze, blurry eyesight and glaring white hospital lights. “That’s a forbidden technique.”

Kakashi must have brought him here, Gai thinks, his brain still muddled. That means Anbu had to be called in to clean up, and that means it wasn’t a B-rank after all.

He wants to smile but it’s hard with the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. It’s hard to keep his eyes open, too.

“Did you hear me? Don’t ever use it again. It’s not for you. It’s not for anyone.”  
_You’re wrong,_ Gai thinks, pain coursing through his body. On the other end of the room the door falls shut behind Kakashi. 

His father’s smile never burned brighter than it did that day. 

_I’m the only one it’s for._

* * *

大江千里

月見れば  
千々に物こそ  
悲しけれ  
わが身ひとつの  
秋にはあらねど

“We could get married,“ he offers one day, out of a strange sense of duty, but Kahyou merely laughs. “You don’t want to marry me, Hokage-sama,” she says, “and besides, how would that look? Getting married to your prisoner?”

“I’m not Hokage anymore, so you’re not my prisoner.”

“You’ll always be the Rokudaime, therefore officially I will be your prisoner until the end of my sentence.”

“Will you marry me once your sentence has been served?” Kakashi asks, taking her hand although the gesture seems less one of tenderness than entrapment, even to him. The look on her face tells him that she feels the same way. 

She averts her eyes to hide the obvious answer reflected in their depths. “Your reputation is important, Rokudaime-sama, isn’t it? You can’t risk ruining it. Also, a marriage at our advanced age. What would be the point? We won’t be able to have any children.”

She stung him with her remark about his reputation, that she knows, and so, she brings up the topic of children to make him soften. Knowing full well he won’t press her on this because of her dead son; Kakashi has learned not to speak of the losses of his loved ones. And he does love her, even if she doesn’t believe it. 

He shakes his head, giving up. “I won’t force you to marry me. I’m sorry for making you sad.”

“A thousand things make me sad, Hokage-sama. Rarely do I count you among them. But I’m sorry, too. For you to ask this question… I didn’t realize you were feeling this lonely.”

***

“I asked Kahyou to marry me,” Kakashi tells Gai five days later. He’s sitting at Gai’s living-room table, a cup of matcha in front of him, and he watches Gai’s face, registering every little detail of his expression as it changes from pleasantly-neutral to something that can only be described as manic ecstasy. 

“Finally, you’re _finally_ making an honest woman out of her;  it’s about time, Kakashi! After shamelessly carrying on with the poor thing for years!”

“Don’t start celebrating yet,” Kakashi says drily, his heart constricting at the sight of Gai’s honest happiness for him,  not even the smallest sign of shock, not even a hint of regret, “she turned me down.”

“What?! Why?! What did you do?!” Shaking his head in disgust, Gai starts grumbling, “it must be your awful attitude. Only visiting her for a couple of days at a time whenever it suited you. Everyone was saying how you treated her like your own personal concubine. Having to watch you become such a dirty old man, it breaks my heart. No wonder Sasuke turned out the way he did, with such a terrible teacher for an example–”

“It’s not like any of your students are happily married either,” Kakashi points out. “And at least Naruto is doing fine.”

Gai ignores this and picks up his own cup of tea to take a sip.  
“What are you going to do now, rival?” he asks, setting down his drink. 

“Nothing. It’s not like we broke up. Maybe she has a point. Getting married this late in life has no meaning.” _Especially when you’re in love with someone else anyway._ ”This way, I can still have my fun.”

Gai clicks his tongue in disapproval. “You really are a dirty old man.”

“I’d be lonely otherwise,” Kakashi says honestly and, feeling bold, adds, “Who is keeping your bed warm these days?”

All that gets him is a laugh. “My bed is always warm, rival! I have a heating blanket for my leg.”

“Spoken like an old fart,” Kakashi drawls to mask the fury twisting his guts.

“The Fire of Youth is still burning brightly in this beast, Kakashi!” Then , after a pause, “but it’s true that my body isn’t quite what it used to be.”  There’s a wry smile on Gai’s lips, tugging painfully on Kakashi’s insides.

 _If only you came to my bed,_ he thinks, filled to burst with angry desire, _I could show you…_

  
But he knows it’s too late now, outside fall is already yielding to winter and for years Gai’s bed has been warm enough without him.

* * *

菅家

このたびは  
幣もとりあへず  
手向山  
紅葉のにしき  
神のまにまに

“Hm? Did you say something?“ Kakashi asks, holding up his book to shield his face from Gai’s admittedly wet outburst. “Yes! I said I was going on a mission for a week and— ARGH! Are you listening? Kakashi?”

“Yeah, yeah, something about a D-rank with the brats, right?” Kakashi gives him a bored look. “You’ll be back by Monday? See you then!”

It’s true that it’s not an exciting assignment, a D-rank mission seldom is, but still, Gai will be gone for seven days, he would have wished for more of a reaction from his aloof rival. Oh well. “We’ll have to travel to the coast, so I’ll bring you a souvenir!” he declares and with that goes home to pack. 

Seeing how grounded Kakashi is, how much he focuses on taking A-Ranks and getting ready for the next batch of potential genin to graduate from the academy in a couple of months… It might be a good thing, Gai decides. Thinking about it that way actually makes him a bit happy. They’ve both grown up, soon they’ll both be sensei; it’s only natural that their friendship is developing this way. They don’t need to depend on each other as much anymore.

Besides, he’s looking forward to spending a week with his precious students!

  
***

“A week… with my…” His tongue is heavy, his voice so thick it’s barely intelligible. He blinks into the bright lights. Is it morning already? Has he overslept?

“Sensei! Gai-sensei!” Turning his head – a surprisingly painful endeavor – reveals Lee sitting in a chair next to Gai’s bed, fists clenched on top of his thighs and crying his little heart out. “You’re awake! I’m so glad! Gai-sensei!”

***

“You should be embarrassed. Getting knocked out on a D-rank? That’s beyond pathetic.”

At the sound of the familiar voice, Gai’s eyes snap open. His hospital room is lit only by moonlight from the open window where a dark figure is sitting, one leg dangling inside the room, the other half of his body outside on the roof.  If the voice hadn’t given him away, the spiky outline of his hair would have.

“Kakashi…” Speaking is still painful, but Gai forces himself anyway, “S-rank criminals… not D…”

“Yeah, well, it still happened on a D-rank mission. And how stupid were they anyway? Attacking a jounin sensei on a trip with his little genin, anyone should know a group like that isn’t delivering anything of worth.” Swinging his other leg into the room, Kakashi hops off the windowsill and walks closer to the bed. 

“Looks like you owe the Anbu a debt of gratitude. Since they saved your life.”

***

_“But you’re amazing, Gai-sensei! You even have friends in the Anbu!” Lee exclaimed once he had recovered somewhat from the shock of the mission._

_“That one guy was really intense,” Neji said darkly, not quite meeting Gai’s eyes.  
_

_“Um…  anyway, we were lucky they arrived when they did…right?” Tenten gave an awkward little laugh, her gaze fixed on a spot on the wall._

***

“Sorry… no…souvenir,” Gai mumbles. With every step Kakashi is taking toward him, his vision grows blurrier and blurrier. When he feels the first tear slide down his cheek, Kakashi grabs his hand and squeezes so hard the pain shoots up Gai’s arm and straight into his heart. Closing his eyes, he holds on just as tightly.

* * *

三条右大臣

名にしおはば  
逢坂山の  
さねかづら  
人にしられで  
くるよしもがな

It’s easier with the mask on. To sneak around as a shadow, no face, no name. When you wear it, you stop being yourself, stop being a person. It feels like there are no consequences to your actions. Maybe this is what enabled Uchiha Itachi to slaughter his clan, his parents. He became the mask. 

On nights like this, fresh off a mission, Kakashi can feel its pull like he feels the weight of his armor. His blade is bloodstained in its sheath and his body moves on instinct through the streets. The moon is bright tonight but not full. A sickle among a spray of stars, low over the rooftops where Kakashi’s feet find purchase on shingles slippery with the first winter frost.   

It’s coincidence that carries Gai’s voice up to his ears. Belly-deep laughter down in the alley behind that dango place Gai frequents. Kakashi crouches down to look and sees the shimmer of moonlight on Gai’s perfect bowl cut.

  
_That’s not what I said!_ Ebisu. He walks to Gai’s right, to his left another dark figure, Genma, Kakashi guesses and is instantly proven right by more laughter ringing out in the dark.

_That is exactly what you said!_

Friendly banter, teasing. Kakashi stops listening to the words and focuses on the sounds of their voices, one voice in particular. Gai. He is happy.

How difficult would it be to get him away from them? To some place hidden from their eyes, just Gai and Kakashi? 

He is a thief and a killer, a strategist and soldier, a shinobi, he could do it. As an Anbu he has the edge over them; if he truly wanted to, he could pull Gai into a dark corner.

And then what?

Kakashi has had dreams about this. Dreams in which he draws his tantou and slides its tip down the center of Gai’s chest, slicing the spandex open so the taut fabric parts to reveal tanned skin. He pictures Gai on a bed, pictures himself kneeling over him, taking what he wants.

It would be so easy with the mask on.

* * *

 

貞信公

小倉山  
峰のもみじ葉  
心あらば  
今ひとたびの  
みゆきまたなむ

Konoha in autumn is a sea of red. It is blaze without smoke, the colors changing every day. Gai watches the gradual, unstoppable transformation, the red slowly turning brown, a sweet smell hanging in the air.

He would never admit it, but he hates Konoha in autumn. Fall is aging, death and decay. His father died in late October, so he visits the memorial stone more often during this month. It’s a busy month for the memorial anyway, as people come to pay their respects to the victims of the Kyuubi attack, too.    
For Gai, it’s duty that brings him here. The cenotaph doesn’t make him feel his father’s presence. It’s just a stone with names on it; it’s just a place to go while he waits for spring.

* * *

中納言兼輔

みかの原  
わきてながるる  
泉川  
いつ見きとてか  
恋しかるらむ

Tenzō’s nimble fingers flick through pages of the bingo book, not stopping until they find their target.  “Akebino Okaeshi,” he reads and pauses for a couple of seconds to study the few lines of basic information on the criminal. “Is he related to Akebino Jinin?”

“Maybe,” Kakashi says. He’s not in a talking mood – but then he rarely is. For a while now he has suspected that his subordinate is trying to draw him out of his shell, to form a connection of some kind. It’s annoying, and if Tenzō doesn’t grow out of it, Anbu’s not the place for him. 

“Weird-looking fellow…” Tenzō tilts the book to catch more of the fading sunlight. He’s frowning at the photo, then at Kakashi.  “What did Sandaime-sama tell you about him?”

***  
Kakashi can’t fathom why the Third would call him in for the mission briefing but not the rest of his four man squad. This is unusual, even for an Anbu mission. But it’s not his place to question the Hokage, so naturally Kakashi comes to the office by himself as Hiruzen-sama requested. 

“There is a story I want you to hear before you go on your next mission,” the old man says and Kakashi nods, not sure where this might lead.

“Roughly twenty-seven years ago I sent a man named Maito Dai on a mission to the eastern border. It was a D-rank, practically no risk – or so I thought at the time – and so when he asked if he could take his infant son with him on the mission I had no objections. However…”

Had he been talking to anyone else, Kakashi would have interrupted at this point. It was obvious where this story was headed, but this was the Hokage speaking, leaving Kakashi no choice but to wait patiently for him to go on.

Hiruzen-sama takes a breath first, then reaches for his pipe. The creases on his face deepen, shadows lengthening at dusk. An old ache. 

“He never completed the mission. We found out that he got involved in a fight with the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. Another squad had encountered them on their mission and he intervened, trying to protect his comrades. Maito Dai stayed behind to stall the enemy. He entrusted his son to one of the members of the other team, but… the baby was lost.”

“Lost?” Kakashi repeats, raising his eyebrow. 

“So I was told. There were no bodies to be found. Neither Maito Dai’s nor his son’s.”

 _That’s an interesting story_ , Kakashi wants to say, _but what does it have to do with me?_

Sandaime-sama’s gaze pierces him and, as though he has read his mind, he pushes the mission scroll across his desk to Kakashi. 

“When I saw this entry in the bingo book…” He sighs. “It was like seeing a ghost. This Akebino Okaeshi, he shares the name of one of the Swordsmen, but he’s the spitting image of his father. Of course, there is no proof. It might be coincidence.”

 _But it’s not,_ the Third’s tone says, _I’m sure._

  
The scroll contains a sketch of Akebino’s face. Black hair, small eyes, high cheekbones and eyebrows that look like the artist spilled his ink. Kakashi looks at the picture and blinks. It gives him a headache, a feeling of emptiness as though he’s been dropped into space.

“The child’s name was Maito Gai,” Sandaime says. 

“Akebino is a missing nin; he grew up in the village hidden in the bloody mist. No matter whose child he may or may not be, there is no way for him to…”  
To what? Become a Konoha shinobi? It was too ridiculous to even say, so Kakashi doesn’t. Instead he decides to focus on what’s important. “The mission is elimination of the target?”

“It will be up to you. If he is a threat… you know what to do.”

Kakashi picks up the scroll. “He is listed as a criminal, Hokage-sama.”

“Yes. He left Kirigakure. He is a traitor to his village.”

Kakashi waits, but the Third just looks at him silently. Finally, he can’t be quiet any longer. “I apologize, Hokage-sama, but I don’t understand why you told me that story. It doesn’t change anything.”

***

_“I know,” Sandaime-sama said, “then again, Maito Gai was your age. Had he remained in Konoha, you would have grown up together. You might have been friends. It is something to keep in mind when you face him, Kakashi.”_

  
Kakashi shakes his head. This information is useless to them; it’s not something Tenzō needs to hear. 

_Friends._ That word has no meaning to him. He doesn’t look at the picture in the book. It makes his head hurt.

“Nothing that isn’t in the book. We leave at dawn,” he tells his subordinate. “Be ready.”

* * *

 

源宗于朝臣  
  
山里は  
冬ぞさびしさ  
まさりける  
人めも草も  
かれぬとおもへば

Winter traps them in a mountain village. As expected, Asuma takes this with a shrug and a sigh. His lack of reaction and resignation instantly rubs Gai the wrong way.

“We can still get back to Konoha! A little snow cannot stop four jounin on a mission!” he yells, accepting the challenge issued by the heavens by raising his fist skyward.

“Nope, I’ll think we’ll wait it out.”

Gai whips around. “Kakashi! I was wrong about you! Your attitude is neither hip nor cool! You are just lazy!” And points at his eye-rolling rival. “Yosh! If you are a man, you will not back down from this!”

Next to him, Kurenai sighs. “Well, I’m not a man, so I’ll back down, okay? I’ll go get us a room.”

“Wait, I’ll come with you!”

“There go the lovebirds,” Kakashi remarks at Asuma’s hasty departure. Nodding towards the inn, he touches Gai’s shoulder. “Come on.”

***

While the three of them are put into a closet-like hole, Kurenai gets the only other free room to herself. It’s not the worst they’ve ever had, but Gai is in a bad mood. Had his companions listened to him they would be halfway to Konoha now!

There’s just enough space for them to unroll their futons. Asuma sleeps by the door, Kakashi by the window and Gai ends up wedged into the middle.

He can’t sleep. Usually, if he’s exhausted enough, Gai is able to sleep standing up if he has to, but not on a day like this, when all the exercise he got was a puny one hundred pushups before the two guys at either side of him started complaining about the noise.

Then Asuma sneaks out of the room late at night and Gai can’t suppress a groan of annoyance.

“They should have just bunked together and saved us all the trouble,” Kakashi whispers, his chuckle sounding particularly dirty in the darkness.

Gai has no reply to that. It’s not his place to judge what Asuma and Kurenai are doing. Love is a beautiful thing, but he can understand their need for privacy.

A feeling of loneliness befalls him, sudden like the gust of wind rattling the window. They really should have tried to get back to Konoha, he thinks.

“The tatami smell good, but it’s cold in here,” Kakashi says softly. His hand creeps over to the edge of Gai’s blanket.

Gai closes his eyes. “Yeah.”

 

* * *

凡河内躬恒  
  
心あてに  
折らばや折らむ  
初霜の  
おきまどはせる  
白菊の花

 _What a weird day_ , Kakashi thinks that evening as he lies down in bed. It’s certainly not every day that one is appointed to be the next Hokage, only for the whole thing to be annulled before it’s even made official. It’s a relief though. Reportedly, Tsunade-sama is awake and in stable condition. She doesn’t need a successor quite yet.

“You might still be Hokage one day, rival,” Gai said at the restaurant. “Of course, if you’re not careful, I’ll snatch the title away from you!”

Kakashi only smiled, thinking, _you can have it._

Now he reaches out to touch the bouquet of flowers on his nightstand. What a strange present, the last thing he expected from Gai. The flower petals are soft against his fingertips and leave their fragrance on his skin.

* * *

壬生忠岑  
  
有明の  
つれなくみえし  
別れより  
暁ばかり  
うきものはなし

 

Sometimes Kakashi comes to visit Gai. Only at night, of course, when no one can see them, not even Kakashi’s Anbu comrades who seem all-seeing and untouchable. Kakashi is like them, but not exactly like them, since he is one of their strongest, most talented. If they are like shadows then Kakashi is the darkness.

But that’s bullshit, Gai knows.

Under the armor and the mask, Kakashi is human like the rest of them. He is warm, his skin flushes under Gai’s hands.

In the morning, Kakashi vanishes without a word, but another thing Gai knows is that, one day, he will shatter the armor and the mask for good. One day Kakashi will stay.


End file.
